Thank you to everyone who contributed to our convent-themed Mad-Libs this week!

Here is the completed story…

By Christopher John SSF from Chuncheon, South Korea – TongdosaUploaded by Caspian blue, CC BY 2.0,

It was evening recreation at the Convent of Saint Erasmus of Humpty Doo, and 24 Sisters were gathered around the table.

Old Sister Giuseppe Methodius, who had spent a long afternoon singing, baking and reading, sat back in her chair with a ­smile. The novices had vanished from the room a few moments earlier, giggling, to prepare for a skit they had been rehearsing in secret. For a few minutes, only whispers and clatters were heard, and then a young Sister poked her head around the door.

“Sisters,” she declared with a bright smile, “we present the Life and Martyrdom of Saint Lucian!”

At that, two more novices appeared, armed with a mop, spatula and toilet brush, and one of them wearing a lamp that she had converted into a helmet. She bowed to the audience, then growled, “I am the Emperor Trebonianus Gallus, slayer of 2000 Christians!” (Loud cries of “Boo!” from behind the scenes.)

“And I,” said the other, “am Lucian, a humble keyboard shiner and convert to Christianity!”

Thence followed a dramatic battle, which ended with Lucian falling to the ground, the toilet brush plunged into his heart. At this, three of the junior professed, who had been briefed earlier by the playwright, leaped up from their chairs and declared their intent to become Christians as well. Trebonianus obligingly provided each of them in turn with a holy death, swinging the mop so enthusiastically that the prioress had to warn him to be careful of the bookshelves behind him.

The last of the three, Romulus, knelt placidly: before submitting to the final blow, he declared that before the day was through, Trebonianus, too, would become a Christian. Trebonianus dispatched him and laughed monstrously, then stopped and stared as the narrator, now wearing a set of golden wings, descended upon the martyrs and swept them up to heaven with a chorus of Now Thank We All Our God. Trebonianus fell to his knees and piously embraced the Christian faith. After a long pause, the narrator declared, “The End.”

Old Sister Giuseppe Methodius clapped along with the rest as the actors tugged off their costumes and sat down around the table. One of them turned to her and said, “Sister, tell us a story about when you were a novice!”

So she began:

It was evening recreation at the Convent of Saint Erasmus of Humpty Doo, and 24 Sisters were gathered around the table…

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