Apr 14, 2015 |
By Liz Miller.
“Sometimes the only way the Good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.”
– Ven. Archbishop Fulton Sheen
It’s been almost 1 1/2 years since I wrote “A Hairy Story,” and yet it feels like eons ago. Firstly, I’ll just say that, as women who have entered and left religious life, it is healthy to take time to look at how we’ve grown since “That Day”. After all, who wants to live “the unexamined life?”
As a young, Catholic woman having left the world, entered the convent and then re-entered the world, my life has gone through such a beautiful string of phases, it’s hard not to recognize God’s hand in it all:
Peace… Confusion… Struggle… ReAbandonment… Discernment
Because I could write a book [and perhaps someday I will… bucket-list maybe?], I’ll try to limit myself to short snippets of insights I’ve gathered throughout my experience thus far.
Peace: If ever I am distraught about or question my current situation, I must never forget that strong sense of peace I received from leaving the convent and knowing it was God’s will for me. This peace stayed with me for a maximum of 5 days after leaving the convent. All of a sudden, I felt…
Confusion: During the month between leaving the convent and going to college, the questions that ran through my head are very legitimate. Why would God do this to me? I love Him with all of my being, but how am I supposed to reconcile this feeling of having my heart broken? Who am I? Where do I belong in this world? Confusion then led to the hardest…
Struggle: Immediately upon attending University, I experienced a relapse of self-consciousness that I hadn’t felt since high school. At this point, I know I am supposed to attend and graduate college. But I ache to figured out who I am in the world: am I the crazy Catholic girl who wears long skirts and does all the Catholic things on campus? Or am I hiding behind the skirts because I want to make my femininity absolutely clear due to my short hair? The answer was the latter, which played a large role with my insecurities. Praise God that I didn’t have it in me to take the downward path to despair but instead walked tip-toe on the road to…
ReAbandonment: Once I recognized how much I still needed Christ, I found comfort only in His presence. With the help of the chaplain on campus, and my now-best friend who – Providentially – had left the same convent and attended the same University, with the help of the Mother Superior of a Community that is close in location and heart, and Leonie’s Longing, I learned that my life’s not over. In fact, Life Himself has taught me the truth and beauty about my vocation. This was the stepping stone for my…
Discernment: My second semester of college found me at a conference organized by the diocese where my university is. There was a religious community that I was intrigued by, which surprised me because I had distaste for all things religious life prior. Curiosity led to interest which led to a conversation by phone with the vocations assistant. To my surprise, she didn’t want to talk about my having left the convent. For half an hour, we talked about my prayer life. This is the second most life changing event, but probably the first and foremost best change that has happened. Through her direction, I have re-discovered my relationship with Christ because I made time for Him in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I’ve learned how to pray with Scripture and with Christ.
During one of our monthly phone calls, I mentioned to her that I was struggling with worries about my vocation. Am I called to marriage or to the religious life??
Her answer: “That’s not for you to worry about right now… Your vocation is to love Jesus Christ.”
So I’ve found that this is the best and most exciting vocation there is. That being said, there are moments when I wish I could just snag a guy, run away, and get married. There are moments when my heart leaps for joy at the sight of a religious sister. And of course, there are moments when I want to quit school because the road seems too long, the light at the end of the tunnel too far to see.
But then I think of how much the Lord can do with the little I give Him.
Take heart, sisters in Christ! And “always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who calls you to account for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15); even if that “anyone” is the doubt inside you. We gave up everything to follow Him once… He’ll give us strength to do it time and time again. Let us not forget that a life worth living is a life worth giving – a daily laying down of our own wills in exchange for His; a daily re-version of heart, mind, body and soul.
Here I am, Lord, I come to do Your will.
Then:
Reunited with siblings after leaving the convent.
Now:
Enjoying abundant blessings of studying abroad in the Eternal City!
*If you check out this video, Ruth Bachman explains well the story of the book after which this post is titled.
Mar 18, 2015 |
By Josephine.
“Most women who leave the convent leave the Church.”
I was shocked to hear this statement when I told a young man whom I had just recently met that I had been in a convent for a bit. I couldn’t imagine losing Jesus on top of my perceived “loss” of the convent and all my Sisters.
The way he said it, so matter-of-factly, and the way he looked at me, like I might lose my faith in Jesus too, scared me and put me a bit on the defensive. I don’t like that statistic, whether it’s true or not. Just because someone finds out that a particular community wasn’t their “fit”, or religious life wasn’t their calling, does not mean they are going to lose God.
We must build our foundations strong on Christ so we can weather all storms; we must stand firm on Jesus, our Rock. All God’s people are called to be “like gold refined by fire”, and the fire that we withstand with Christ as our Strength makes our faith in Him stronger, if we allow it.
Let us use our hurts, struggles, and feelings of rejection to help us grow closer to God and His Church, and thereby “win” Jesus; do not “lose” and fall away from God, from Jesus, from the Church, from Love.
Jesus is our True Lover and Friend still. He stands by us through thick and thin, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. If we lose, it is because we rejected Him; if we win, it is because we accepted Him and His Will for us.
And Christ is present in all of us, so we must stick by each other, all other women who have had similar experiences. We need to hold on to one another and build each other up. Let’s turn that statistic into a lie! Not all women who leave the convent leave the Church. We must be living examples of that.
Leonie, St. Therese’s sister, left two convents before she entered the Visitandines where she ended up staying! We all have our own paths to follow to find God’s Will for our lives, remain faithful, and He will show us true love, joy and peace.
~Pax vobiscum~
Feb 2, 2015 |
By AfterEpiphany.
A short while ago the Leonie’s Longing blog featured an article called “A Year of Not Me” This article invited the reader to reflect upon his or her interior response to the commencement of the Year of Consecrated Life.
It is both easy and tempting to become immersed in questioning one’s own identity before God; our Plan A had involved living the consecrated life and now we’re all “stuck with” Plan B.
At the time I read the article my response was that “A Year of Not Me” was an invitation to go beyond myself, to put aside for a time whatever suffering had arisen upon returning to the world, and to focus on serving others.
The Feast of the Presentation (which has about to be finished for me in Australia, but which is still in progress for those of you on the other side of the International Date Line) is an obvious day of significance, perhaps THE day of significance, in this special year for those living the consecrated life.
Now we know that the feast is often also referred to as Candlemas, and there is a great deal of emphasis on light: Jesus Christ is proclaimed as that light to enlighten the Gentiles in the Nunc Dimittis prayer of Simeon. Well this is going to blow your mind.
Who are the Gentiles?
Well, in the LITERAL sense, they are those outside of the Jewish faith.
Who were the Jewish people?
The chosen people of God, those who had been set apart for Him.
What does it mean to be consecrated?
To be called by God, to be set apart for Him.
So perhaps it isn’t too big a jump to consider that one possible allegorical sense of Simeon’s prayer is that those of us who are not consecrated are the ones to be enlightened here.
This feast is for us, too!!!!
Where does that leave us? In this year of “Not Me” I’m sitting here asking Christ, our Light, to enlighten me, a Gentile, as I meditate upon this special event in His life. One thing that jumps out at me as I ask for light is this: I cannot avoid suffering. Even His much beloved and blessed Mother found her heart on the pointy edge of a sword, even after her “yes,” her obedience, her total life of service and undivided love for Him.
And so I return to where I began: the grief and loss of my former Community? My confusion over who I am before God now that He has called me back out to the world? Those occasional feelings of frustration at the mess of it all, the complication of figuring out what life in His service now means? He shines like a spotlight, focused on His Mother, showing me exactly what to do with that suffering. It is real. It can’t just be dismissed. But in this year of “Not Me” it just doesn’t have to be the focus. My life doesn’t have to be about that. My life is about Him. And He and His Mother are both models of obedience, humility, service and authentic love.
Lord, now you let your servant go in peace;
your word has been fulfilled:
my own eyes have seen the salvation
which you have prepared in the sight of every people:
a light to reveal you to the nations
and the glory of your people Israel. (Luke 2:29-32)
Dec 11, 2014 |
By Misericordia.
Last week one of my friends who is a religious brother told me his vocation story. He described the many graces and providential happenings that led him there and at one point said, “Our Lady was ‘mantling’ me.” I had never thought of there being a verb for Our Lady’s mantle but it stuck with me the rest of the week.
One of the most striking parts of the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe is her mantle. The whole image is filled with symbolism, and there are many books on the meaning of every square inch of the tilma, but what I think is most important is how she relates to us personally, how she loves us as our mother.
She also teaches us how to approach God in our humanity. Her peace and tranquility is the perfect balm to our anxious hearts, that often question whether we are “doing things right.” Sometimes it is hard to know if we are doing the will of God. We don’t have enough to offer yet, but maybe once we get figure things out, then we will be sure?
But then again, to whom did Our Lady appear? Did she appear to a Bishop? To a priest or religious? To a person of high nobility?
No, God ordained that she should come to a poor lay man, Juan Diego, to help her Catholicize all of Mexico. And so we see clearly:
Lie #1: I’m not good enough yet.
Truth #1: God doesn’t need us to be “good enough” in worldly standards to accomplish His Will. He accepts us as we are, so we should too!
Another temptation for many in the spiritual life, especially for those who have left the convent, is to think we have somehow failed the will of God, and therefore are unworthy of serving Him. But let’s look again to Juan Diego, who downright avoided Our Lady.
Did she (and the God who sent her) abandon Him and find someone else? No, she hunted him down! This brings us to:
Lie #2: I have failed God, His Will, my vocation, etc.
Truth #2 Part 1: God is bigger than all of those! He can work in and through our biggest mistakes and glorifies Himself most in our greatest weaknesses and failures.
Truth #2 Part 2: Our Lady reaches out to the poor and lonely, as Christ the Good Shepherd tended those who had fallen astray. Both are attracted to the outcast, and do not consider it a burden to rescue us and carry us back to the fold.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, by being one of us, being lowly and poor herself, encourages us to accept our own limitations, confident that God can work in and through them. Her apparitions prove to us that her love and protection, which come from God Himself, is extended regardless of where we are and what we have done. The first step is to accept that TLC from our Heavenly Mother unashamedly, as it has its origin in the Love of God, Our Heavenly Father.
All of life is a gift from God and we can never repay Him. One of his greatest gifts is His own Mother that he sends to guide and comfort us in our earthly pilgrimage so that we can persevere, unafraid of where His Will leads us. Today, on this beautiful Feast Day, let yourself be mantled! Recognize that your prayer, your daily work, everything that you do is protected in the shelter of her mantle, close to her Immaculate Heart, which beats- in unison with the Sacred Heart of Jesus- with love for each of you.
Dec 9, 2014 |
By Pinkie.
It looked sad. Bare. Lonely. Exposed. Vulnerable. Near death. Like a phantom.
On my daily walk I noticed the neighbor’s bush had been seriously cut back. It was springtime and it had been pruned. It looked more like a collection of sticks than a living plant.
Would it survive after a hack job like that? It didn’t look like it to my untrained eye. Was the homeowner trying to kill his/her bush? Not intentionally.
Could he/she have made a mistake? Was it pruned too much? Possibly.
I know how I felt pruned too severely when I returned to the world from the convent. I could only moan, “Why Lord?”
I would meditate on John 15 (the vine and the branches) and wonder if I was the pruned vine or the rejected junk thrown into the fire. It felt as though I could be either and that was not comforting.
I continued to walk past this bush and I noticed its steady growth and recovery. Eventually it started sprouting buds so I took a picture. I wanted to be reminded of this rebirth, of this growth after looking utterly hopeless and forlorn.
By the end of the summer, the bush was massive and it was hard to believe it was chopped to nothing roughly six months ago. This change was gradual and happened over a long period of time. But it did occur, even though the changes day to day were imperceptible.
It is the same for me. I do not feel much different today compared to yesterday. Sometimes I even feel worse. Two steps forward, and one step back, etc. I am confident I do not look outwardly different today compared to yesterday, just like the bush. But that time period is too small.
God has given me glimpses of my growth and recovery from that extensive pruning when I look at larger chunks of time. Often I don’t recognize it but the reality is that I am trending upward. When I reach certain milestones they help me take a moment and do a direct comparison.
How about you? Do you try and stay focused on the bigger picture? How do you do that? How do you encourage yourself and others day to day?
Dec 3, 2014 |
It’s easy to become sentimental about the beauty of the holy habit, so here instead is a little tribute to the ones that are… kind of oddball. I’m not talking about things that are unusual-but-cool, like
or
but more like
(Congregation of Notre Dame de Montreal)
(School Sisters of Notre Dame)
(Unknown)
(Unknown)
(Sisters of Misericorde)
(Holy Cross Sisters – well, they had to be in here somewhere!)
and my personal favourite…
(Sisters of Providence of St Vincent de Paul. They were still wearing this habit in 1954.)
Have a good day, Leonie’s Ladies!
Image credits:
Most of these images were found on Pinterest, pinned by Dawn Southall and zakony-na-swiecie.blogspot.com.
Confusion: During the month between leaving the convent and going to college, the questions that ran through my head are very legitimate. Why would God do this to me? I love Him with all of my being, but how am I supposed to reconcile this feeling of having my heart broken? Who am I? Where do I belong in this world? Confusion then led to the hardest…
eAbandonment: Once I recognized how much I still needed Christ, I found comfort only in His presence. With the help of the chaplain on campus, and my now-best friend who – Providentially – had left the same convent and attended the same University, with the help of the Mother Superior of a Community that is close in location and heart, and Leonie’s Longing, I learned that my life’s not over. In fact, Life Himself has taught me the truth and beauty about my vocation. This was the stepping stone for my…
e because I had distaste for all things religious life prior. Curiosity led to interest which led to a conversation by phone with the vocations assistant. To my surprise, she didn’t want to talk about my having left the convent. For half an hour, we talked about my prayer life. This is the second most life changing event, but probably the first and foremost best change that has happened. Through her direction, I have re-discovered my relationship with Christ because I made time for Him in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I’ve learned how to pray with Scripture and with Christ.
So I’ve found that this is the best and most exciting vocation there is. That being said, there are moments when I wish I could just snag a guy, run away, and get married. There are moments when my heart leaps for joy at the sight of a religious sister. And of course, there are moments when I want to quit school because the road seems too long, the light at the end of the tunnel too far to see.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, by being one of us, being lowly and poor herself, encourages us to accept our own limitations, confident that God can work in and through them. Her apparitions prove to us that her love and protection, which come from God Himself, is extended regardless of where we are and what we have done. The first step is to accept that TLC from our Heavenly Mother unashamedly, as it has its origin in the Love of God, Our Heavenly Father.
By Pinkie.
I know how I felt pruned too severely when I returned to the world from the convent. I could only moan, “Why Lord?”
By the end of the summer, the bush was massive and it was hard to believe it was chopped to nothing roughly six months ago. This change was gradual and happened over a long period of time. But it did occur, even though the changes day to day were imperceptible.
God has given me glimpses of my growth and recovery from that extensive pruning when I look at larger chunks of time. Often I don’t recognize it but the reality is that I am trending upward. When I reach certain milestones they help me take a moment and do a direct comparison.
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