Jul 29, 2015 |
How to deal with anxiety, from the pen of a paranoid schizophrenic.
By Stephanie Grace Cesare.
Jeremiah 29:11: Yes, I know what plans I have in mind for you, Yahweh declares: plans for peace, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Trust has been a major problem in my past, but if we believe in God’s goodness, how can we not trust in Him completely? Every second of our life God knows and allows to happen to us. “There is a spiritual world all around us, can you not see it?” – Jane Eyre.
Because of my condition I am always worried that the worst thing possible is going to happen at any second. The only way I could overcome that was to believe in God’s loving providence: to actually live second to second 
with a great belief that everything was in some kind of play book for my life. It is when the waves start crashing in on us, when we think we are alone and will drown, that God says, “O you of little faith”. In that moment the Apostle Peter cried, “Lord, we are going to drown, don’t you care?” Whenever we take our eyes away from God, that is when we become anxious, scared, feeling we are on our own and will drown in worries: that is when we need to cry, “LORD!”
This is where suffering must be understood.
Luke 11:11-15 says, “What father among you, if his son asked for a fish, would hand him a snake? Or if he asked for an egg, hand him a scorpion?” Suffering as the saints know it has infinite worth. God allows suffering to come upon us for this reason, that we may fill up what is lacking in the wounds of Christ, and that we may actually participate in God’s salvific mission for the world. God works through us when we accept life’s difficulties
2 Cor 12:7-10: “Wherefore so that I should not get above myself I was given a thorn in the flesh, a messenger from Satan to batter me and prevent me from getting above myself about this. I have three times pleaded with the Lord that it might leave me but he has answered me, “My grace is enough for you.” For power is at full strength in weakness. It is then about my weaknesses that I am happiest of all to boast, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me, and that is why I am glad of weaknesses, insults, constraints, persecutions and distress for Christ’s sake, for it is when I am weak that I am strong.”
Some examples in my life… God is in the details. To let go and realize every detail of the day is God’s will, will give you an extreme amount of peace. One day I realized I wasn’t going to be able to have a job because it was so stressful so I gave it up to God. I am a cosmetologist and I am supposed to take the next person on the computer list no matter what they want done, so I said, “Lord, please send me the people that I would be able to handle.” This went really well. Every time I went to the list I had the confidence that the Lord would help me with the next customer. He must really want me to have this job so I trusted.
I was in a religious community when I was having signs of schizophrenia and had decided to leave. I went into an extreme depression that landed me in the hospital several times. I didn’t know how a good God could push me away from him and not want a girl who dreamed all her life since the age of reason to be his spouse; to be incapable of it! How could a good God abandon me like that? “And I will dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life” – that just wasn’t true – or, “She has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her” – hmm, what about that one? I was telling God how to make me holy rather than trusting that he knew the best way. Then one day, I read that God sent the man who had asked to be his disciple to go home and be a witness to his family and home town – “How can I do that?” I thought. Well, I have had the chance to help those in the world with me more than I ever had in the convent with my peers, family and customers. I am planning on volunteering at a nursing home so I can talk to the infirm about God while doing their hair. I never had this in the convent…the chance to get close to people and love them. To get to know them, unlike I would ever have in the convent. That’s when I realized I was called to the single life and so be a witness.
One night I was crying hysterically over the fact I left the convent when my parents came home from Louisville with a note from a homeless person on the street to me. It said, “I have chosen you to bear fruit.” That was the quote at my clothing in the convent on my card. It made me realize that I have a mission greater than I could ever imagine as long as I did God’s will.
I was chosen, but how and for what? The most anxiety you go through is not knowing your calling in life and the second is not trusting and giving up your will to God. Mother Teresa said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”.
The teenager days are usually the most arrogant. I’m going to be rich, I’m going to change the world, I’m going to be famous. There is nothing wrong with having these goals, as long as we give our will to God, but many do not and go into despair when they do not accomplish what they desire. This has caused many college-age students to commit suicide because their goals are so high. Many people come out of religious life and this can be devastating to live a humble life of a lay person or the married state. In Abandonment to Divine Providence, Fr. Caussade explains that it is not in seeking holy things or circumstances, but seeking holiness in all our circumstances, that makes saints.
We will never have peace unless we trust that doing what is in front of us is God’s will and that doing it well (little detail by little detail) will take away the anxieties of life and will lead to greater, wonderful things. Think, when you offer your life to God in your daily duties, of how much more God in his generosity will give you to accomplish in your life. He is all goodness, so do you not believe he will give you a grand adventure – one that will bring you to heaven?
In living each moment the way God calls (the little details) God will give greater things for you to do. I love St. Therese because she taught the little way to heaven. Doing every little thing because it is most humbling and therefore more meritorious in the eyes of God. Once we realize the great worth of these small details, the more at peace we will be. Believe in PROVIDENCE! Just realize that our daily duties are so important when done with love – how much more at peace. God will always outdo us with love, and the more we offer up these small things, the greater the things he will call us to, and we will be at peace in his love.
Psalm 131, song of quiet trust: “O Lord my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high. I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvellous for me, but I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child that is quieted at its mother’s breast; like a child that is quieted is my soul.”
Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego: “Listen, put it into your heart, my youngest and dearest son, that the thing that disturbs you, the thing that afflicts you, is nothing. Do not let your countenance, your heart be disturbed. Do not fear this sickness of your uncle or any other sickness, nor anything that is sharp or hurtful. Am I not here, I, who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more? Let nothing else worry you, disturb you.”
Jul 8, 2015 |
By Cinnamon.
Jesus opened the book of nature before me, and I saw that every flower He has created has a beauty of its own; that the splendor of the rose and the lily’s whiteness do not deprive the violet of its scent, nor make less ravishing the daisy’s charm! So it is in the world of souls, the living garden of the Lord. It pleases Him to create great saints, who may be compared with lilies or the rose; but He has also created little ones, who must be content to be daisies or violets nestling at His feet to delight His eyes when He should choose to look at them. (Saint Therese, The Story of a Soul.)
While studying a few years ago for a teaching degree, I came across a fascinating article about the role that genetics play in children’s levels of vulnerability and resilience. The authors suggested that there are two kinds of people: “dandelion children,” who will succeed in just about any environment, and “orchid children,” who are acutely sensitive and will only thrive if their environment is safe and nurturing. (For more information, click here.) It’s not limited to certain obvious temperaments, either: I’ve had lively, sanguine students break down in tears and tell me their essays were “stupid” (orchids) while a handful of melancholics worked on quietly in the background and wondered what all the fuss was about (dandelions).
Of course, the comparison between people and flowers immediately reminded me of Saint Therese of Lisieux, and I wanted to explore the idea further. According to the popular stereotype, young women who are too delicate to cope in the “real world” retreat to the cloister – making the religious life a safe haven for orchids, while the dandelions work nine-to-five jobs, volunteer in soup kitchens, then eventually get married and populate the world with more little dandelions.
There are two things wrong with this idea. Firstly, it suggests that orchids are fragile or even weak – as opposed to intelligent, passionate, and reflective people who perceive everything that goes on around them and find that sometimes those things really grate.
Secondly, the religious life is complicated, and some aspects of it are not actually designed with orchids in mind. While the external structure seems to be ideal – long periods of prayer and silence, a strict horarium, and an established procedure for everything from cleaning a sink to meditating on a passage of Scripture – I started to see within a couple of weeks of entering the convent that the systems in place were set up for minds that worked quite differently from mine. For example, take the frequent changes of occupation throughout the day. Suppose that I’m told to scrape carrots. I might settle happily into the task and scrape away for an hour or two until the job is done, but if instructed part-way through to leave the carrots and start on the dishes, it will take me several seconds to change gears and mentally put the carrots down – a delay which, in the convent, looks like disobedience. Similarly, if you’ve ever rushed out after Holy Hour as if the chapel were on fire, breathing the air of freedom after being stuck with nothing but your own thoughts for company for the entire time, you’re probably an orchid. (Fun, isn’t it?)
Is religious life, then, only for the dandelions? Thankfully, no. I’ll summarise the study’s findings very briefly:
Dandelion in a difficult environment: success.
Dandelion in a positive environment: great success.
Orchid in a difficult environment: stress, depression.
Orchid in a positive environment: outstanding success.
So, in difficult circumstances, the dandelion will be much better off than the orchid, but in the right environment, the orchid will flourish even more than the dandelion. The same gene that points to the worst outcomes also points to the best.
I’ve begun to understand that, although I loved my community dearly, I found their way of life grinding because it wasn’t my vocation to be there; I was attempting to carry a cross that wasn’t actually meant for me, and that’s the one thing an orchid really can’t do. Somewhere in my future, though, is the cross that I am meant to carry – a yoke made so light by joy that even an orchid can hold it high. Who knows yet what it is? But orchids, too, are meant to bloom in the garden of Christ.
Apr 28, 2015 |
By ladyemmay.
As I mentioned above, marrying Jesus is a lot different than marrying a human being. For one thing, Jesus can’t die and leave me. He already did that. I just heard about a friend’s friend who died at age 34 leaving a wife, three kids, and a baby on the way. He was a strong Catholic and has made a huge ripple with the witness of his holy death. This is devastating, and frightening too, but somehow there’s a depth of hope and love in it that I can’t even fathom. When I see this, love looks worth it. And I know for a fact that most mature religious have experienced the feeling that Jesus has died and abandoned them, perhaps through the dark night of the soul. They go on living trusting that He is there, but not feeling his presence. There are many similarities in this.
But whoa, before all of that, there’s dating. This should be the fun and anxiety-free part. Rather, for so many of us it is ridden with anxious expectations. The idea of going back into dating frightened me even before I left the convent. I remember a priest who formed us saying, “I wouldn’t want to be out in the dating world these days, you should all consider yourselves blessed!” It’s a rough trail to tread out here, certainly.
Some people leave the convent thinking, “absolutely, I’m called to marriage, let the dating begin!” This wasn’t the case for me. I had no idea where God was calling me upon leaving, so it’s taken me about this long to get used to the fact that God might be calling me to marriage, which implies dating first. Part of this has been finding potential mates in friends or the guys in the circles I frequent. Most recently, during a holy hour, I really felt the Lord ask me to surrender to the fact that he might want me to get married. It was freeing, but also terrifying. Perhaps part of the difficulty, as a woman who was in the convent, is that this looks a little bit intimidating. A guy hears this and wonders if he could “keep up” with me spiritually (obviously he has no idea how far from the truth this is…). I wonder sometimes, when I casually mention this to a guy, if anything romantic is automatically shelved. They may think it’s neat and ask all kinds of questions about it, or if they aren’t particularly strong in their faith, they may think it’s the craziest thing they’ve ever heard. It might also intimidate them that there are priests in my phone’s contact list who I consider to be fathers and brothers to me. One of those priests told me last year (in jest!) that I should just stand outside the seminary and wait for the guys who are leaving. I do sometimes think I’d be most compatible with a former seminarian, because he could likely understand me and my experience better, and I could be relatively sure that he shared my spiritual values and goals (unless he left because he had become cynical rather than simply disillusioned…).
This is where I tend to over-spiritualize things, and where I’m trying to focus on the whole person: attractiveness of both body AND soul rather than just one aspect of them. There is no such thing as a knight in shining armor. Relationships are a two-way street, and no one is going to be in the exact place you want them to be right when you meet them. We also need to love guys for being men: not being “our way out”. Jesus is our way out. I recently saw a bumper sticker that read, “I already have a Savior. I’m looking for a president”. I think we could say the same in this case: “I already have a Savior. I’m looking for a husband.” We need to let men be human, so that we can take the pressure off of ourselves too. Dating is not such a big deal. If a guy asks me on a first date I will not turn him down, no matter how much I think marriage with him is out of the question. Marriage and dating are not the same thing. Friendships are risked when they become dating relationships, but I have to remind myself that it is worth it!
The reason I think God called me away from the convent is obviously complex, but I think it had something to do with the fact that I got caught up in the vocation culture. It’s exciting to believe and to know that Jesus has a plan and a call for my life. I still believe that. And yet I think in all my discernment process I got away from the idea that Jesus is calling me first to be a Christian. Through my baptism he wants me just for himself no matter what my vocation is. And he wants to work out my salvation not completely reliant on that particular vocation. Since I left the sisters, I’ve come to understand that there isn’t necessarily one vocation that each person is destined to. Before you call me a heretic, let me explain. Is it in the nature of God that he would set up one particular mission for each of us, so that if we failed to discover that mission, we would not be able to spend eternity with him? This sounds more like fate to me. Certainly we each have a mission from him, but I don’t know that it is always definable. After I left the sisters, my former superior sent me that great quote from John Henry Newman: “God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.” I’ve looked at myself as a disappointment to Jesus for much too long, as if I have broken his heart by “breaking up with him”, rather than loving him exactly where I find myself. Obviously he desires commitment from me, in whatever vocation that will be. But right now, in the present moment this is what he desires; my complete trust and total surrender to the fact that I’m living my vocation and my mission now. I have to know first that I am loved. And the love of God comes through the love of others; the people around me, my friends, my family, the people I work with, and the people I serve. And even through the men that I might date.
So to all the “Joe Schmoes” out there – thanks for your Schmoe-ness! It’s what makes you real and good and accessible and loveable. I am glad you are human, because I am too! And so, if it’s God’s holy will, I am open to loving you, with a human and imperfect love, so that together we can help each other on this journey towards Heaven.
Did you miss part 1? Read it here.
Apr 26, 2015 |
By Petra Stella
Are you one of the many former religious who will sit in Mass this Sunday hearing Father mention that it is the World Day of Prayer for Vocations, and immediately feel that painful twinge in your heart? It probably feels like yet another painful reminder of the “Year Of Not Me” all over again!
It’s easy to fall into that trap… thinking this is not about you.
After all – this is the Year of Consecrated Life, and it’s the World Day of Prayer for Vocations.
But if you think this isn’t about you, you aren’t paying attention! You – and I – and all the women in our situation: we need the graces and guidance that will come of the World Day of Prayer for Vocations as much as anyone else… perhaps more than anyone else!
About 2 weeks before I returned back to the world, I was sick in bed with influenza, and remained in my cell for a few days. During that time, I re-read Christifideles Laici. At this stage I already knew I’d be approaching my superior about returning home when I was well and she was back from her retreat… and so I read it with very much a searching mindset. And with a great deal of hope and excitement, not yet tinged by the grief of loss that was to come after actually leaving.
As I read this beautiful gem from among the legacy of St John Paul the Great, I was struck by the important reminder that ALL of us are consecrated. Our Baptism is a consecration, and religious life is one very beautiful way of deepening that consecration. It is not the only way.
So how do I live out MY consecration? I may one day be called to marriage, or I may be called back to religious life down the track… but if I’m consecrated by virtue of my Baptism, then I need to be living out this consecration NOW… not just waiting to deepen it some way in the future. Christifideles Laici reminds us that there are many different kinds of workers in the Vineyard of the Lord, and there is much work to be done. How can I bear fruit if I stand around idle all day? I want to bear fruit for Him!!
I gave my “yes” once upon a time to the Lord when He asked. This “yes” hasn’t changed, and every so often on special occasions, I renew this “yes” to Him. Wrapped up in this response was a realisation that even though I thought I was assenting to religious life, I didn’t really know what the future would hold, but I said “yes” to it all – everything He asked of me, no matter how little, how big, how crazy. I meant it then. I mean it now. Like Therese, I choose all. My “now” is part of this all. I’m out in the world again because He asked me to be. He has a purpose in this, and He wants me to be fruitful. Yes, Lord. I choose and embrace this “now” in which I find myself. Bless the work I undertake out here in Your Vineyard. May You bring this work that You have begun in me to completion!
I would really recommend following the link above to the Vatican website and reading Christifideles Laici prayerfully, if you are seeking guidance as to how to live your “now” fruitfully. I’d also prayerfully read – and take comfort in – Chapter 15 of John’s Gospel. This advice was given to me by a wise friend last year, and it brought me much comfort and guidance in my own situation.
And so I exhort each of you – as you lend your voice to the many that are praying for vocations today… realise that YOUR vocation, whatever that is, is every bit as much the target of any resulting grace. :) Today is a World Day of Prayer for YOU.
Apr 14, 2015 |
By Liz Miller.
“Sometimes the only way the Good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.”
– Ven. Archbishop Fulton Sheen
It’s been almost 1 1/2 years since I wrote “A Hairy Story,” and yet it feels like eons ago. Firstly, I’ll just say that, as women who have entered and left religious life, it is healthy to take time to look at how we’ve grown since “That Day”. After all, who wants to live “the unexamined life?”
As a young, Catholic woman having left the world, entered the convent and then re-entered the world, my life has gone through such a beautiful string of phases, it’s hard not to recognize God’s hand in it all:
Peace… Confusion… Struggle… ReAbandonment… Discernment
Because I could write a book [and perhaps someday I will… bucket-list maybe?], I’ll try to limit myself to short snippets of insights I’ve gathered throughout my experience thus far.
Peace: If ever I am distraught about or question my current situation, I must never forget that strong sense of peace I received from leaving the convent and knowing it was God’s will for me. This peace stayed with me for a maximum of 5 days after leaving the convent. All of a sudden, I felt…
Confusion: During the month between leaving the convent and going to college, the questions that ran through my head are very legitimate. Why would God do this to me? I love Him with all of my being, but how am I supposed to reconcile this feeling of having my heart broken? Who am I? Where do I belong in this world? Confusion then led to the hardest…
Struggle: Immediately upon attending University, I experienced a relapse of self-consciousness that I hadn’t felt since high school. At this point, I know I am supposed to attend and graduate college. But I ache to figured out who I am in the world: am I the crazy Catholic girl who wears long skirts and does all the Catholic things on campus? Or am I hiding behind the skirts because I want to make my femininity absolutely clear due to my short hair? The answer was the latter, which played a large role with my insecurities. Praise God that I didn’t have it in me to take the downward path to despair but instead walked tip-toe on the road to…
ReAbandonment: Once I recognized how much I still needed Christ, I found comfort only in His presence. With the help of the chaplain on campus, and my now-best friend who – Providentially – had left the same convent and attended the same University, with the help of the Mother Superior of a Community that is close in location and heart, and Leonie’s Longing, I learned that my life’s not over. In fact, Life Himself has taught me the truth and beauty about my vocation. This was the stepping stone for my…
Discernment: My second semester of college found me at a conference organized by the diocese where my university is. There was a religious community that I was intrigued by, which surprised me because I had distaste for all things religious life prior. Curiosity led to interest which led to a conversation by phone with the vocations assistant. To my surprise, she didn’t want to talk about my having left the convent. For half an hour, we talked about my prayer life. This is the second most life changing event, but probably the first and foremost best change that has happened. Through her direction, I have re-discovered my relationship with Christ because I made time for Him in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I’ve learned how to pray with Scripture and with Christ.
During one of our monthly phone calls, I mentioned to her that I was struggling with worries about my vocation. Am I called to marriage or to the religious life??
Her answer: “That’s not for you to worry about right now… Your vocation is to love Jesus Christ.”
So I’ve found that this is the best and most exciting vocation there is. That being said, there are moments when I wish I could just snag a guy, run away, and get married. There are moments when my heart leaps for joy at the sight of a religious sister. And of course, there are moments when I want to quit school because the road seems too long, the light at the end of the tunnel too far to see.
But then I think of how much the Lord can do with the little I give Him.
Take heart, sisters in Christ! And “always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who calls you to account for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15); even if that “anyone” is the doubt inside you. We gave up everything to follow Him once… He’ll give us strength to do it time and time again. Let us not forget that a life worth living is a life worth giving – a daily laying down of our own wills in exchange for His; a daily re-version of heart, mind, body and soul.
Here I am, Lord, I come to do Your will.
Then:
Reunited with siblings after leaving the convent.
Now:
Enjoying abundant blessings of studying abroad in the Eternal City!
*If you check out this video, Ruth Bachman explains well the story of the book after which this post is titled.
Mar 24, 2015 |
Through Storms to His Heart.
By Guadalupana.
I have been out of religious life for almost four years and was in religious life for almost three years, with it being discerned by the council at my religious community that I had been called there but that I was not called to make first vows. Through inner storms and pain, consolations from God and friendships after leaving, I have been making my way to becoming more secure in God’s love for me in the midst of trials and learning to walk on water into a deeper relationship and intimacy with God. One particular storm came to mind recently after talking with someone who had been in a religious community for ten years before being called back into the world. We spoke a bit about the experience of leaving religious life and I shared with her a portion of something I had typed up several months ago after experiencing an inner storm after watching the profession of first vows at a Mass. It consisted of analogies of what it felt like to leave a religious community and I also included a couple of things that I had heard from other women.
This was the description:
It’s like living with your boyfriend before marriage and having given him everything and then shortly before your wedding day, he calls it off & breaks up with you.
It’s like losing many members of your family all at once, having them die suddenly & without being able to say goodbye to many of them.
It’s like a vet having traveled to a foreign land who was planning to give his life for his country but instead finds himself missing a limb and then returns home to discover that everything has changed & life has gone on around him as if he had died.
It’s like being invited to live in a house closer to the gates of Heaven and then being pushed out a window & landing in a pile of manure.
It’s like being stripped of your clothes (habit) and feeling initially as if you are walking around naked with people staring at you.
It’s like being in your mother’s womb where it’s quiet and then suddenly finding yourself in the middle of a busy intersection with cars honking loudly at you (and yes, maybe even while you are still naked!).
It felt really strange being back in the world and leaving a religious community was an experience that so few understood or that even good intentioned people would at times make jokes about, such as stating that I had been “kicked out of the convent”. It was and still can be a real cross and a sensitive area in my heart. Yet, this heart is so loved by God and it is in this cross and opening my heart more to God and His healing and unconditional, personal, merciful love for me that this suffering is actually an opportunity for me to receive grace, to go deeper into God’s thirst for me, and to grow in compassion for those who suffer and forgiveness of those whom I have felt hurt by both in and out of the convent. When storms arise, it is an opportunity to grow in trust and reach out my hand to Jesus like St. Peter and have Jesus help me to walk on water to Him.
A priest I met after leaving religious life gave me advice that I still try to follow: do a half an hour meditation every day; it is a good antidote against sin. I may not be in religious life any more, but I am still His (we all are) and He desires communion with me in prayer. It won’t look the same as in religious life, but I have been blessed to be able to still attend daily Mass, frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and have a Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration Chapel in walking distance of my apartment. Prayer is crucial and I would not have progressed as much as I have in my healing process without it. I am also weak and know that my heart needs to be reminded daily of the truth of His love for me. Through prayer, we give God the Father the opportunity to tell us as He told Jesus “this is my beloved (daughter) with whom I am well pleased” or to speak to our hearts the words He spoke in Isaiah “you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you”, or to be hit with the thought “You died for me so that I could be married to You”. Jesus consoled me after having that very thought pop into my head one night. With Christ’s death on the cross, He made the Church and each of us His spouse…I am His bride! He did not “break” His engagement to me!
While writing this very blog post, I began to also reflect on this – what if I were not here? What if I were not back out in the world now? How different my life and the lives of others would be if I did not exist in it and how many opportunities I would have missed out on if I were still in religious life. Since being out, I have been asked to be a bridesmaid in four weddings including of two friends I did not have pre-convent, became a godmother, was present to a sibling during a difficult time in his life (my younger brother was diagnosed with a form of leukemia a few months after I had left the convent but he is now in full remission, thanks be to God!), started and lead a group for women at my parish to grow in the spiritual life, am sponsoring a young woman in RCIA, have spent countless quiet hours before Jesus in prayer giving Him the opportunity to better love me without having the responsibilities and stress I had felt at times in religious life (and before being in a possible vocation of marriage), and am planning to go on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land in a couple of months.
There have been and will be ups and downs, but if we continue walking to Him and with Him on the water turning to Him and His Heart of love in prayer and seek to see the blessings, our cross can become a source of grace for ourselves and others. Regardless of our vocation, our hearts are made for God & union with Him and to live with Him for all eternity in Heaven. He is the #1 source of love in our lives and only His love is perfect and is to complete us. How great is His love for us! Receive His love!
“Suffering has to come because if you look at the cross, He has got His head bending down – He wants to kiss you – and He has both hands open wide – He wants to embrace you. He has His heart opened wide to receive you. Then when you feel miserable inside, look at the cross and you will know what is happening. Suffering, pain, sorrow, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that He can kiss you…” – Mother Teresa
“Lay all your cares about the future trustingly in God’s hands, and let yourself be guided by the Lord just like a little child.” – St. Teresa Benedicta
with a great belief that everything was in some kind of play book for my life. It is when the waves start crashing in on us, when we think we are alone and will drown, that God says, “O you of little faith”. In that moment the Apostle Peter cried, “Lord, we are going to drown, don’t you care?” Whenever we take our eyes away from God, that is when we become anxious, scared, feeling we are on our own and will drown in worries: that is when we need to cry, “LORD!”
so I gave it up to God. I am a cosmetologist and I am supposed to take the next person on the computer list no matter what they want done, so I said, “Lord, please send me the people that I would be able to handle.” This went really well. Every time I went to the list I had the confidence that the Lord would help me with the next customer. He must really want me to have this job so I trusted.
y peers, family and customers. I am planning on volunteering at a nursing home so I can talk to the infirm about God while doing their hair. I never had this in the convent…the chance to get close to people and love them. To get to know them, unlike I would ever have in the convent. That’s when I realized I was called to the single life and so be a witness.
We will never have peace unless we trust that doing what is in front of us is God’s will and that doing it well (little detail by little detail) will take away the anxieties of life and will lead to greater, wonderful things. Think, when you offer your life to God in your daily duties, of how much more God in his generosity will give you to accomplish in your life. He is all goodness, so do you not believe he will give you a grand adventure – one that will bring you to heaven?
that disturbs you, the thing that afflicts you, is nothing. Do not let your countenance, your heart be disturbed. Do not fear this sickness of your uncle or any other sickness, nor anything that is sharp or hurtful. Am I not here, I, who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more? Let nothing else worry you, disturb you.”
By Cinnamon.
wanted to explore the idea further. According to the popular stereotype, young women who are too delicate to cope in the “real world” retreat to the cloister – making the religious life a safe haven for orchids, while the dandelions work nine-to-five jobs, volunteer in soup kitchens, then eventually get married and populate the world with more little dandelions.
established procedure for everything from cleaning a sink to meditating on a passage of Scripture – I started to see within a couple of weeks of entering the convent that the systems in place were set up for minds that worked quite differently from mine. For example, take the frequent changes of occupation throughout the day. Suppose that I’m told to scrape carrots. I might settle happily into the task and scrape away for an hour or two until the job is done, but if instructed part-way through to leave the carrots and start on the dishes, it will take me several seconds to change gears and mentally put the carrots down – a delay which, in the convent, looks like disobedience. Similarly, if you’ve ever rushed out after Holy Hour as if the chapel were on fire, breathing the air of freedom after being stuck with nothing but your own thoughts for company for the entire time, you’re probably an orchid. (Fun, isn’t it?)
attempting to carry a cross that wasn’t actually meant for me, and that’s the one thing an orchid really can’t do. Somewhere in my future, though, is the cross that I am meant to carry – a yoke made so light by joy that even an orchid can hold it high. Who knows yet what it is? But orchids, too, are meant to bloom in the garden of Christ.
By ladyemmay.
a call for my life. I still believe that. And yet I think in all my discernment process I got away from the idea that Jesus is calling me first to be a Christian. Through my baptism he wants me just for himself no matter what my vocation is. And he wants to work out my salvation not completely reliant on that particular vocation. Since I left the sisters, I’ve come to understand that there isn’t necessarily one vocation that each person is destined to. Before you call me a heretic, let me explain. Is it in the nature of God that he would set up one particular mission for each of us, so that if we failed to discover that mission, we would not be able to spend eternity with him? This sounds more like fate to me. Certainly we each have a mission from him, but I don’t know that it is always definable. After I left the sisters, my former superior sent me that great quote from John Henry Newman: “God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.” I’ve looked at myself as a disappointment to Jesus for much too long, as if I have broken his heart by “breaking up with him”, rather than loving him exactly where I find myself. Obviously he desires commitment from me, in whatever vocation that will be. But right now, in the present moment this is what he desires; my complete trust and total surrender to the fact that I’m living my vocation and my mission now. I have to know first that I am loved. And the love of God comes through the love of others; the people around me, my friends, my family, the people I work with, and the people I serve. And even through the men that I might date.
By Petra Stella
By Liz Miller.
Confusion: During the month between leaving the convent and going to college, the questions that ran through my head are very legitimate. Why would God do this to me? I love Him with all of my being, but how am I supposed to reconcile this feeling of having my heart broken? Who am I? Where do I belong in this world? Confusion then led to the hardest…
eAbandonment: Once I recognized how much I still needed Christ, I found comfort only in His presence. With the help of the chaplain on campus, and my now-best friend who – Providentially – had left the same convent and attended the same University, with the help of the Mother Superior of a Community that is close in location and heart, and Leonie’s Longing, I learned that my life’s not over. In fact, Life Himself has taught me the truth and beauty about my vocation. This was the stepping stone for my…
e because I had distaste for all things religious life prior. Curiosity led to interest which led to a conversation by phone with the vocations assistant. To my surprise, she didn’t want to talk about my having left the convent. For half an hour, we talked about my prayer life. This is the second most life changing event, but probably the first and foremost best change that has happened. Through her direction, I have re-discovered my relationship with Christ because I made time for Him in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I’ve learned how to pray with Scripture and with Christ.
So I’ve found that this is the best and most exciting vocation there is. That being said, there are moments when I wish I could just snag a guy, run away, and get married. There are moments when my heart leaps for joy at the sight of a religious sister. And of course, there are moments when I want to quit school because the road seems too long, the light at the end of the tunnel too far to see.
Through Storms to His Heart.
There have been and will be ups and downs, but if we continue walking to Him and with Him on the water turning to Him and His Heart of love in prayer and seek to see the blessings, our cross can become a source of grace for ourselves and others. Regardless of our vocation, our hearts are made for God & union with Him and to live with Him for all eternity in Heaven. He is the #1 source of love in our lives and only His love is perfect and is to complete us. How great is His love for us! Receive His love!
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